24-year-old tells shy best friend Emily that her 25-year-old BF Tyler is about to propose to her: 'I'm in the middle of their relationship drama'

Did this woman just ruin her best friend's proposal… on purpose? 

Sometimes your best friend, the most perfect person in the world, starts seriously dating some random guy. He's like, okay. But he's never perfect for her, and you know it. He'll get her a romance book as a gift when she only likes sci-fi, or he'll avoid talking to her all day, making her upset, and yet she still won't break things off with him. It can be hard to watch your best friend fall in love with some guy who doesn't love her as much as she deserves! And of course, you have to be supportive, because she's not going to leave him anytime soon, but still… that worry remains in the back of your head. 

This person had a choice to make about how to handle an issue between her best friend and the BFF's boyfriend. A proposal was imminent! But the way this guy was planning to go about it would've been just utterly, entirely wrong for the BFF's personality.

However… the way she went about "fixing" things has people totally divided. Some people think she didn't do a good enough job of redirecting the BF. Let's take a look at the now-deleted story that I saved from obscurity —  then we'll discuss what everyone is buzzing about. 

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Author image for Remy Millisky Remy Millisky
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  • 01
    Young couple face each other at table with cake between them, while the woman folds arms unhappily.
    via Getty Images For Unsplash+

    Young couple face each other at table with cake between them, while the woman folds arms unhappily.

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 02

    Am I the a*sh*le for ruining my friend's proposal moment?

    I (24F) hosted a Valentine's Day party this Friday for our friend group. Two of the friends in this group Emily (25F) and Tyler (25M) have been dating for a while. A few days before the party Tyler texted me he was planning to propose to Emily at my party. He seemed really excited and asked me if I could help him plan the moment.
    via u/Throw_Valentine13
  • 03
    The thing is Emily is one of my closest friends and has told me multiple times over the years that she would HATE a public proposal. Like, she's been very clear about this. She's mentioned it to me when we were both attending another wedding. She thinks they're performative and is the most shy and introverted person I know. She would be anxious at the thought of so many eyes on her and feel pressured to say yes even if she didn't want to.
    via u/Throw_Valentine13
  • 04
    I tried to hint subtly to Tyler that maybe a public proposal wasn't the best idea, but he kind of brushed me off? I suggested doing it on the actual Valentine's Day but apparently he had to work that night and couldn't get it off plus he wanted all our friends to witness their romantic moment together.
    via u/Throw_Valentine13
  • 05
    I panicked and told Emily of his plans. She was grateful I told her but also really upset that he didn't know her well enough to realize she'd hate this. She Imust have confronted him about it and their conversation didn't go well because when they came to the party the tension was OBVIOUS. Everyone could tell something was wrong and it made the whole night awkward.
    via u/Throw_Valentine13
  • 06
    Tyler has barely spoken to me since, and he said in our group chat that I "sabotaged" him and "ruined the most important moment of his life." One of our friends said I should have talked to HIM privately instead of telling Emily and that I betrayed him by giving away his secret. A few others are just annoyed that the party was ruined by the way they acted all night. Some people are on my side but I regret causing so much drama over it.
    via u/Throw_Valentine13
  • 07
    Tyler thinks I deliberately sabotaged his proposal. I think if he was ready to marry her he should have known her well enough to know she'd hate a public proposal. I was trying to save them both from embarrassment.
    via u/Throw_Valentine13
  • 08
    But now I'm wondering if I should have just warned him more directly instead of telling her? I feel terrible that I'm in the middle of their relationship drama and caused somewhat of a rift between our friends. AITA?
    via u/Throw_Valentine13
  • 09

    A lot of the story here relies on this...

    Scenarioing I tried to hint subtly to Tyler that maybe a public proposal wasn't the best idea, but he kind of brushed me off... ...l panicked and told Emily of his plans" ---You could have easily just told him instead of hinting. That was stupid. YTA.
    via u/Throw_Valentine13

    How exactly did this person "hint" that Emily wouldn't like the proposal? She should've been very clear that she would despise such a display of affection. 

    At the same time, though, sometimes these types of pleas go in one ear and out the other. Tyler had already set up this whole thing! Would he really have cancelled everything he planned based on the BFF's advice? I'm not so sure… and that makes what this person did a little more admirable. She was trying to save Emily from the humiliation of a public proposal, knowing that Tyler probably couldn't stop himself from going forward with his plans.

  • 10
    twiggy572 YTA just because there was no need to "hint". You could have just told him directly
    via u/twiggy572
  • 11

    This person doesn't think she did anything wrong

    Yearly Depres on NTA. I don't think you're an actual a hole in this situation. Clearly, his proposal plans would have been "ruined" if he'd gone through with it. Isn't it better that it didn't happen in front of a crowd?
    via u/Yearly Depres**on

    I think time was of the essence here! No matter what, either Tyler or Emily was going to be unhappy with the outcome. This woman took her friend's side to spare her. 

    Honestly, Emily might not want to be close friends with her BFF for a while after this — she's basically going to have to choose between Tyler or her bestie. Sometimes people just need a while to think things over. The friendship could still be saved. 

  • 12
    Ilovewally YTA this was not a moment to hint at. You should have been mature and just communicated to him.
    via u/Ilovewally
  • 13
    bentscissors You did deliberately sabotage his proposal though. Why on earth didn't you literally just tell him that she would hate that and don't do it. Don't be polite about the kind of stuff that would ruin relationships. YTA
    via u/bentscissors
  • 14
    However, it would have been better to directly tell Tyler how strongly Emily feels about public proposals. He obviously wasn't getting the hint. If after directly letting him know that Emily hates public proposals and would be embarrassed, he still planned on going through with it, that would be the best time to tell Emily.
    via u/bentscissors
  • 15
    But what you did doesn't rise to "a h le" behavior. If h_le" a surprise is planned for a good friend, and you know that friend would hate the surprise, it's not wrong for you to tell the friend. Your loyalty is to your good friend, not Tyler.
    via u/bentscissors
  • 16

    This is a red flag... like how would Tyler not know this about his wife-to-be?

    CatsMom4Ever NTA. Oh, boo hoo, Tyler's moment to shine in the spotlight was ruined. He didn't consider his gf's feelings and apparently didn't listen to her when they talked before the party.
    via u/CatsMom4Ever

    You're supposed to talk about marriage long before a proposal is ever in the works! The proposal itself can be a surprise, but talks about long-term relationship goals and chats about your ideal future need to come first. Tyler could've saved himself a lot of trouble if he'd just followed that common knowledge! 

  • 17
    So instead of being grateful that he didn't make an fool of himself in public and pressuring his gf, he's taking it out on you. I hope she sees this as the red flag it is.
    via u/CatsMom4Ever
  • 18
    Couple holds hands and smiles at each other while woman holds 3 heart balloons.
    via Getty Images For Unsplash+

    Couple holds hands and smiles at each other while woman holds 3 heart balloons. 

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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